Low self-esteem and perfectionism

When you struggle with low self-esteem, perfectionism often sneaks in as a coping mechanism. You might feel like your value is tied to doing everything perfectly, as if anything less than flawless will make you unworthy or unimportant. You might set impossibly high standards for yourself, then beat yourself up when you inevitably fall short. It’s a cycle that leaves you feeling exhausted, discouraged and like you’re never quite good enough.

Perfectionism is often rooted in the belief that if you just get everything right, you’ll be accepted, loved or even respected. But in reality, perfectionism tends to isolate you, making you feel like you’re always performing for others, never able to just be. It can also hold you back from taking risks or pursuing new things, because the fear of failure feels unbearable. The truth is that no one is perfect and trying to be leads to burnout, shame and feelings of inadequacy.

Building healthy self-esteem means embracing imperfection; allowing yourself to be human, to make mistakes and to learn from them. It’s about giving yourself permission to show up as you are, without the pressure to be flawless. Little by little, releasing the grip of perfectionism can create room for self-compassion and self-acceptance.

Signs to look out for:

• Constantly feeling like nothing you do is ever “enough”

• Feeling anxious or overwhelmed by small mistakes

• Overworking or overcompensating to avoid criticism

• Comparing yourself to others and feeling “less than”

• Avoiding new opportunities because of fear of failure

• Difficulty finishing projects because nothing feels “perfect”

• Feeling deep shame or disappointment when you don’t meet your own high standards

• Constantly seeking validation or reassurance from others

• Tying your worth to your achievements rather than who you are

Let’s Re-frame:

I must be perfect

→ I am enough just as I am, even when I make mistakes.

I can’t make mistakes

→ Mistakes are opportunities for growth.

I’m only valuable if I do everything right

→ I am valuable simply because I exist.

I have to impress others

→ My worth doesn’t depend on others’ opinions.

I have to do everything on my own

→ It’s okay to ask for help and collaborate.

If I fail, I am a failure

→ Failure is a part of learning and growing.

I’ll never be good enough

→ I am enough, just as I am, imperfections and all.

I have to be the best at everything

→ I can embrace doing my best without needing to be perfect.